One minute I was face down, ass up, on a blue ski run.
The next, I was ass down (but still serving), walking off a plane at Maui’s OGG — still rocking my ski jacket.
Immediately, I overhear two Kūpuna:
Accurate Portrayal
Kupuna 1: “Should we tell him he doesn’t need that jacket here?”
Kupuna 2: “Maybe he came from someplace cold.”
Kūpuna 1 & 2 (together): “He gon’ learn today. What a loooong d…”
…
So, why did I come to Hawaiʻi?
Am I just another tourist chasing an island girl way out of my league, cutting lines at Longs, and stomping on reefs? Unfortunately—no.
I moved here full-time for a 9–5 … and to run away from a broken heart.
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This website is my dedicated journal for reflecting on Hawaiian culture—and the shock I’ve experienced while adjusting to it. Hopefully you’ll find it educational, entertaining, or maybe a little of both.
On to my first musing…
“I can’t believe they (the Aloha State) let you in.”
That’s the line I hear over and over from the only Hawaiian I knew before moving here. She says it as a joke (I think), but there’s truth buried in there. Because if they’re letting me in…who the hell else are they letting in? Is the mainland sending its best? Or just washing up its bad hombres on Maui’s shores?
Think about it. Moving to Hawai‘i isn’t:
Honey, let’s move to the burbs.
Honey, the surf’s better up the coast.
This is… the middle of the Pacific. The most isolated landmass on Earth. You’ve got to be at least a little cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs to pack up and move here.
And after six months, I’ve met a cast of characters:
The guy who tackled me in the Whole Foods parking lot and started praying over me.
The doctor who lost his license for cutting babies’ tongues.
The woman who swears Atlantis isn’t in the Atlantic—it’s in Hawai‘i.
And, of course, the guy I see in the mirror every morning wearing mouth tape, a nasal strip, and earplugs.
Still waiting to meet a Hawaiian doing any of this.
Clearest lesson I’ve learned?
Haoles are built different.
And who am I?
That’s one secret I’ll never tell.
You know you love me.
XOXO,
Head Haole